Thursday, January 31, 2008

Is it Jessica Alba's Fault That Eminem Is Fat?

A while back I'd heard that Eminem had a crush on Jessica Alba.
That bummed me out.

And that bitch didn't even realize how lucky she was that he noticed her.
That bummed me out. And she doesn't know who D12 is, is she retarded?

Jessica Alba didn't go out with Eminem.
I wonder if that bummed him out...

All the guys LOVE her. She's so ladylike and pretty.
Look how much fun she is having in this picture.



But wait, look again... and see how much fun the audience is having:



That is the most fucking bored audience ever.

Don't be sad Marshall!
Jessica Alba is not good for you,
she's a sleeping pill
in heels.

Is Eminem fat due to the "Jessica Alba Curse"?


DID JESSICA ALBA
USE SOME KIND OF GOODY TWO SHOES WITCHCRAFT
ON MARSHALL AT A GYM IN APRIL 2005?
Did she put a curse on Eminem that keeps him from going to the gym...???
I think she did.

JESSICA ALBA'S AWKWARD MEETING WITH EMINEM

Sexy actress JESSICA ALBA was stunned when she learned EMINEM had rapped about her on a track - because their only meeting was a brief, awkward moment in a gym.

The SIN CITY star, who Eminem calls his "wife-to-be" in his D12 collaboration MY BAND, was looking for her director pal BILLE WOODRUFF when she bumped into the rapper.

She says, "Eminem was in a gym, boxing or something, but I thought my best friend was in there. I come barrelling in all heated because I can't find Bille, and it's like five big dudes, Eminem and an empty gym.

"Everyone stopped. I was trying to act all casual, looking around this small gym that my best friend obviously wasn't in. Then I just left. That was the only encounter I ever had with him."


Jessica was 'trying" to act casual
because she was actually there
on the very serious business
of perpetuating the
yawn yeilding
sleep inducing
status quo
and paralyzing the revolution
with her politically correct pussy.



Yesterday Kuniva tried to pull a knife on me
Cause I told him Jessica Alba's my wife to be.

50 told me to do situps to get buff
Did two and a half and then couldn't get up.

Girl why can't you see your the only one for me
And it just tears my ass apart to know
that you don't know my band.

Artist: Eminem & D12
Album: D12 World
Song: My Band

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